Parenting young people who present with Mood Issues (depression)
Self-care for Parents
Parents of children presenting with Mood Issues (depression) can become worn out by the individual demands of this condition, and may even suffer secondary mood issues simply by being a responsible and loving parent.
Sometimes it is the painful experiences of the child that can hurt parents, and sometimes it is the child’s comments and presenting behaviour that hurts. Spending day after day with children presenting with a low mood, who do not respond to the usual care and consideration shown by responsible parents can be very wearying.
Reducing stress with the three R’s
Who will put out the fire when there are no firemen? You can only offer a drink of water when you have water in your own glass! You can use the three R’s to remember three effective strategies for taking care of yourself first: Reflection, Regulation and Relaxation.
1. Reflection
Take time to reflect on your child’s situation, your relationship, and professional assistance that you might need.
Reflect on your child’s low mood. What is your child saying, doing, and why? Think about the information you have.
Try to understand where your child’s low mood is coming from (What is your child telling you by presenting with a low mood?)
What are your thoughts/feelings, can you regulate yourself?
What are your responses in relation to your child’s low mood?
Where is your relationship at? Is your child able to connect with you and are you listening?
Who can you talk to about how you feel?
·Remember to be sensitive to potential trauma/loss/rejection your child suffered.
Gain insight and try to understand your child’s perception of your family.
2. Regulation
It is important to acknowledge and regulate the feelings that parenting a child who presents with mood issues can evoke in you. For example, caring for your child can often trigger your own unresolved issues from the past. Manage your own emotions and responses by:
Knowing that strong emotions are contagious.
Knowing what your own trigger points are and what upsets you the most.
Taking time to calm yourself when you do get emotionally upset.
Seeking assistance, not trying to do it all alone.
Following provided strategies (if any) for caring for your child.
Debriefing after challenging incidents so that you are clear in your mind about what happened so that the intensity of your feelings can subside.
3. Relaxation
As important as reflection and regulation is relaxation, allowing you to renew your spirit and energy.
Make time for yourself and other members of your family.
Ensure that you make time for the things you are interested in and have a passion for - hobbies, friends.
Maintain a sense of humour: this can help maintain perspective and not to take things personally.
Be patient and realistic with yourself. Children who present with mood issues require time and patience to change – it is a process, like turning an oil tanker on the ocean. Change does not come over-night, it comes over time. Maintain hope and try to stay positive.
Things you can do for your child
In order to give good feedback to your child’s therapist, keep notes on your child’s mood, energy levels, negative statements, responses to therapy, sleep patterns.
Monitor academic performance and if needed, have your child assessed for hidden learning difficulties that may cause even more anxiety at school.
Help your child maintain a routine for sleep, mealtimes and social activities. Family structure and routines make children feel very safe, connected and valued.
Anticipate and prepare your child for potential stressful situations. Allow your child choices as much as possible.
Stick to 1:1 bedtime routines (special 1:1 time). Throw in a gentle shoulder massage when appropriate – it builds relationships.
Involve your child in caring for pets/animals, it has huge therapeutic value.
Ignore criticising, or uninvited comments by family members or well-meaning friends.
Trust your instincts – ask more questions if the support your child receives does not make sense to you.
